Day: 8 January 2025

“It takes strength and self-love to say goodbye to what no longer serves you.” ~Rumi I promised myself at a young age that when I got married, I was not going to get divorced, no matter what! My parents had divorced when I was five, and I knew that I didn’t want to put my kids through what I’d experienced as a child who grew up in a “broken” family. I wanted my kids to know what it was like to live in a house with both their parents present and involved in their lives. So, when I found myself seven years into my marriage, sitting in a therapist’s office wondering if my husband and I were going to make it, I had no idea what I would be facing if I had to navigate life, let alone parenthood, without my husband. How does one break free from emotional and verbal abuse without it permanently affecting who they are as a person?! All I could think about at the time was my three beautiful girls, who deserved to have happy parents in a happy home living a happy life! From the outside, our lives looked that way, but our reality was nothing of the sort. The yelling, the name-calling, the threatening, the withholding, and the verbal and emotional abuse were taking their toll on all of us until one day, after five years of trying to make it work, I had had enough. The night I will never forget, almost twelve years into my marriage, we were all sitting at the dinner table, and like every time before, with no warning, a switch flipped, and the yelling began. But this time, I packed up my things and I left. And this would be the last time I would leave; after the three attempts prior, I was lured back with promises that everything would be okay and we would make it work, but this time was different. I didn’t go back. Okay, I was out; now what?! Little did I know that leaving would be the easy part. Some of the most trying and challenging times of my life happened after I was able to finally break free. But I didn’t know that learning how to love myself again and believe that I was worthy of good things was going to be the real challenge, especially after what I’d faced. The storms that happened once my marriage was over would shake me to my core. One particular time was when my middle daughter, only thirteen at the time, was able to find her way down to Tennessee from central Wisconsin without anyone knowing where she was or if we’d be able to find her. My daughter despised me for breaking up her family and wanted to get as far away from me as she possibly could, even if it meant entrusting strangers to drive her in a car for fifteen hours while they made their way to Tennessee. Waking up the next morning after she vanished and reading the “goodbye” note she’d left on her bed, I honestly did not know if I would ever see her again. To say I was in panic mode would be an understatement for how I felt during the next twenty-four-plus hours while we—my parents, my friends, my siblings, the police, and even strangers—attempted to find my daughter. I can think of no worse feeling in the world than that of a mother who is on the verge of or has just lost her son or daughter. I wondered, “How can this be happening? Haven’t we already been through enough?” Exactly twenty-six hours after my daughter had found her way into that stranger’s vehicle, I received a phone call from a deputy in a county in Tennessee saying they had found her. Thank you, Lord, was all I could think—someone is watching over us! I realized then it was time to figure out how to love myself again and heal from my divorce so I could be more present for my daughters. Are there things I would have done differently? Absolutely! But you can’t go back and change the past; the only thing you can do is learn from it and do your best not to make the same mistakes going forward. The best thing I did for myself was sign up for a subscription that gave me access to hundreds of workout programs I could do from home (since I was the sole provider of my daughters at the time). As I completed the programs, I saw improvements in not only my body but also my frame of mind, which pushed me to want to be better and do better with each one after that—not just for me but for my girls also! Being able to push through tough workouts and seeing that I could do hard things that produced positive results helped build my confidence at a time when I needed it most! This newfound confidence boost encouraged me to keep pushing forward, even in the eye of the multitude of storms I was facing, which allowed me to start to heal. The workouts were just the beginning for me. Ultimately, they led me on a path that would help me discover how to love myself again. When I left my now ex-husband, I had no idea what I would be faced with until I was finally able to break free for good. But now that I have been out and have been able to transform my mind and love my life again, I realize just how incredibly powerful some of these lessons that I’ve learned truly are. 1. Forgiving is the first step to healing.  A lot of people believe that forgiveness means you are condoning someone’s behavior, but that is not at all what you are doing when you forgive. Forgiveness is intentionally letting go of negative feelings, like resentment or anger, toward someone who has done you wrong. Choosing to forgive when you’re ready means that you are

By KIM BELLARD You may have heard about the microbiome, that collection of microorganisms that fill the world around, and in, us. You may have had some digestive tract issues after a round of antibiotics wreaked havoc with your gut microbiome. You may have read about the rafts of research that are making it clearer that our health is directly impacted by what is going on with our microbiome. You may even take probiotics to try to encourage the health of your microbiome. But you probably don’t realize how interconnected our microbiomes are. Research published in Nature by Beghini, et. al., mapped microbiomes of almost 2,000 individuals in 18 scattered Honduras villages. “We found substantial evidence of microbiome sharing happening among people who are not family and who don’t live together, even after accounting for other factors like diet, water sources, and medications,” said co-lead author Francesco Beghini, a postdoctoral associate at the Yale Human Nature Lab. “In fact, microbiome sharing was the strongest predictor of people’s social relationships in the villages we studied, beyond characteristics like wealth, religion, or education.” “Think of how different social niches form at a place like Yale,” said co-lead author Jackson Pullman. “You have friend groups centered on things like theater, or crew, or being physics majors. Our study indicates that the people composing these groups may be connected in ways we never previously thought, even through their microbiomes.” “What’s so fascinating is that we’re so interconnected,” said Mr. Pullman. “Those connections go beyond the social level to the microbial level.” Study senior author Nicholas Christakis, who directs the Human Nature Lab, explained that the research “reflects the ongoing pursuit of an idea we articulated in 2007, namely, that phenomena like obesity might spread not only by social contagion, but also by biological contagion, perhaps via the ordinary bacteria that inhabit human guts.” Other conditions, such as hypertension or depression, may also be spread by social transmission of the microbiome. Professor Christakis thinks the findings are of broad importance, telling Science Alert: “We believe our findings are of generic relevance, not bound to the specific location we did this work, shedding light on how human social interactions shape the nature and impact of the microbes in our bodies.” But, he added: “The sharing of microbes per se is neither good nor bad, but the sharing of particular microbes in particular circumstances can indeed be good or bad.” This research reminded me of 2015 research by Meadow, et. al., that suggested our microbiome doesn’t just exist in our gut, inside other parts our body, and on our skin, but that, in fact, we’re surrounded by a “personal microbial cloud.” Remember the Peanuts character Pigpen, who walked around in his personal dirt cloud? Well, that’s each of us, only instead of dirt we’re surrounded by our microbial cloud–and those clouds are easily discernable from each other. Dr. Meadow told BBC at the time: “We expected that we would be able to detect the human microbiome in the air around a person, but we were surprised to find that we could identify most of the occupants just by sampling their microbial cloud.” Those researchers predicted: While indoors, we are constantly interacting with microbes other people have left behind on the chairs in which we sit, in dust we perturb, and on every surface we touch. These human-microbial interactions are in addition to the microbes our pets leave in our houses, those that blow off of tree leaves and soils, those in the food we eat and the water we drink. It is becoming increasingly clear that we have evolved with these complex microbial interactions, and that we may depend on them for our well-being (Rook, 2013). It is now apparent, given the results presented here, that the microbes we encounter include those actively emitted by other humans, including our families, coworkers, and perfect strangers. Dr. Beghini and colleagues would agree, and further suggest that it’s not only indoors where we’re sharing microbes. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out new research which found that our brains, far from being sterile, are host to a diverse microbiome and that impacts to it may lead to Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. Could we catch Alzheimer’s from someone else’s personal microbiome cloud? It’s possible. Could we prevent or even cure it by careful curation of the brain (or gut) microbiome? Again, possible. The truth is that, despite decades of understanding that we have a microbiome, we still have a very limited understanding of what a healthy microbiome is, what causes it to not be healthy, what problems arise for us when it isn’t healthy, or what we can do to bring it (and us) to more optimal health. We’re still struggling to understand where besides our gut it plays a crucial role. We now know that we can “share” parts of our microbiome with those around us, but not quite what the mechanisms for that are–e.g., touch, sharing objects, or having our personal clouds intersect. We feel like we are where scientists were two hundred years ago in the early stages of the germ theory of disease. They knew germs impacted health, they even could connect some specific germs with specific diseases, they even had rudimentary interventions based on it, but much remained to be discovered. That led to vaccines, antibiotics, and other pharmaceuticals, all of which gave us “modern medicine,” but failed to anticipate the importance of the microbiome on our health. Similarly, we’re justifiably proud of the progress we’ve made in terms of understanding our genetic structure and its impacts on our health, but fall far short of recognizing the vastly larger genetic footprint of the microbiome with which we co-exist. A few years ago I called for “quantum theory of health”–not literally, but incorporating and surpassing “modern medicine” in the way that quantum physics upended classical physics. That kind of revolution would recognize that there is no health for us without our microbiome,