Are You An Adult Bully?

There has been much in the news of late about children who have committed suicide due to being bullied. The tragedy is life-long for the family and perhaps for those who did the bullying. Bullying, however, doesn’t stop in childhood. Those who were bullies as kids often continue their pattern of oppression into adulthood.

Signs You Are a Bully

1. You make fun of someone. You call them names, sneer at them or make derogatory remarks.
2. You “accidentally” spill drinks on people or cause them to drop papers, supplies or belongings.
3. You post embarrassing photos of another on social networking sites.
4. You twist the truth or tell out-right lies about someone.
5. You campaign to make someone look bad or incompetent.
6. You post anonymous comments on forums that you would never attach your name to.
7. Someone embarrasses you or does something you don’t want him to do and you “get even.”

What to Do about It

Many bullies lack empathy. This type is not someone who would be reading this article. If you are a bully and are reading this, then you are someone who is at least open to change. The following require honest reflection.

1. You first need to realize that what you are doing is harmful. If you want to know how harmful, imagine yourself being the victim of the behavior you are doing. Imagining this is probably not difficult. You most likely have numerous events in your own life in which you were bullied by peers and maybe even your parents.
2. Recognize that your desire to harm another has to do with your need to feel more important than or better than another. This means you are insecure. You have little sense of your own gifts and talents. Your believe your only recourse is to harm someone else to make you feel better.
3. When you feel that impulse to put someone down just stop and take a deep breath. You need to break this habitual pattern.
4. It is important for you to get in touch with how you are feeling. Did something happen in which you felt the need to make yourself look more important or better than another by bullying?
5. Notice how old you feel when you want to bully. Simply take a moment to ask yourself, “How old do I feel?” This information gives you the age at which you were wounded in a way that resulted in your acting out your anger, fear or insecurity by harming another.

Do something proactive to heal yourself. This could be a therapist, healing prayer or another method to assist you in healing yourself. You deserve healing and others deserve to be safe.

Source by Cathy Chapman, Ph.D.